Assignment Four

Here is a link to my fourth assignment:

Assignment Four

I had my feedback tutorial for assignment four today with my tutor. My tutor stated that my voice is starting is show through in my work but there are areas that are lacking. For example, my methodology is not fully evident in the document. It may be a case of clarifying things, adding a few sentences and explaining my reasoning. One part that needs clarifying is where I say that I will be looking at certain things but not others. Whilst word count is a valid reason, I still have the final say of what is included, I need to explain why I made these decisions. My tutor also said in certain parts, I sound unsure and uncertain, especially when I say ‘I think’. To help this, I need to weave sources with ideas to back them up and create a strong base. I need to establish my ideas with sources, by creating a relationship between them. Some of my writing is too ‘wordy’, so I can cut a bit out here. This is a problem as it obscures the topic. 

In my second chapter, I look at the male gaze. My tutor said that my introduction is good, but the rest is fragmented. The main theorist who looks into the male gaze is Laura Mulvey, yet her work is missing from my research. My comparison of Dorothea Lange and Ansel Adams need amending and re-developing. I need to give the history behind them, for example Dorothea Lange worked for the Farm Security Administration which was a government organisation. This bears relevance to my comparison. I need to make clear that one of the images I used for comparison are portraits, not landscape, so I can explain their relevance. I also need to look again at my comparison of Catherine Opie’s work and her aim. Especially when looking at the technically perspectives. 

In my third chapter, I discuss pedagogy, as this topic was quite new to me, there some are some issues. I need to make it clear that pedagogy is all education. I need to look at the term androgogy, and talk about how it is not an accepted term. I can also bring here how pedagogy can be used to help adults amended their thoughts. 

Here is my annotated document:

Here is my feedback report that I filled in with my tutors additional comments:

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Responding to the Feedback

My feedback session raised a few points where I need to work on and are lacking. I need to explain my reasoning. For example I need to say why I have included what I  have but excluded something else. I realised I haven’t done this and will work on it for my final draft. 

I need to use my sources and weave their arguments and explain how they relate to my own arguments. 

I also need to bring in the work of the main theorists like Laura Mulvey. My research does look at her work but I need to properly integrate her theories into my work as it will be valuable for my work. 

I will take this feedback on board and try to remedy it.