Assignment Five

Here is a link to my fifth assignment:

Assignment Five

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I had my last tutorial with my tutor for this module today. We discussed what changes I had implemented from the last tutorial. My tutor said my writing had improved considerably. The clarity has improved which is good news. The changes in writing are not fully done yet and needs fine tuning. 

I wasn’t sure where to put the abstract, but my tutor said I put it in the right place. My abstract needs work. I need to include the main ideas in my work, like a map of my work. I could possibly include around 10 key words. 

My first chapter needs fine tuning so my arithmetic is clearer. For example, the way I have written implies that history hasn’t changed things. 

In my second chapter I need to include more about the FSA for my argument. What I have already written is historically, I need to take it to the next level. We also discussed my section about Catherine Opie, my tutor suggested possibly cutting it out if I cannot rework it to fit my argument. The images I’ve used do not relate well, I either need to explain it or cut it out. 

My tutor said my work in chapter three on pedagogy is good. In my research I managed to find one of the key academics, Nochlin. My tutor says I have some good sources.  

Overall I need to tweak a few sentences, develop a bit more, and interact with the quotes I have used more consistently. My tutor did say that I have implemented the previous feedback well and if I carry on developing at the same rate, I can submit for the November assessment. 

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Here is the Annotated File from my tutor:

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Here is my tutor report, filled in by myself and my tutor:

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Feedback for the last draft

Here is the annotated essay from the final feedback:

Responding to the Feedback

Whilst my work has improved, there are still a few tings to work on. Basically I need to fine tune, but these things need to be done for the work to be suitable for submitting for assignment. I am going to research a bit more into the FSA and include this in my second chapter. 

My tutor said that I needed to improve my work before submitting and offered to view my work again before completion. I will make any changes I need to and then will email it through again. 

Final Draft – Submission Two

From my feedback for this draft I am happy that I’ve implemented the feedback. There are a few minor things that I will be addressing prior to submitting for assessment in March.