Assignment One

Here is the annotated file I received back from my tutor.

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Here is the feedback report.

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Feedback from Annotated Work Notes

My tutor sent my essay back with annotated comments. I will look at them first. 

My essay had a few grammatical errors, I did proofread but obviously missed these. 

The first point is that I need to explain what and why the pilgrimage is for men. What is the journey and who sees it as a male pilgrimage. Here is a link to my research on this pilgrimage, which explains it. My wording could have been better whilst explaining in the essay, but this link will clarify things: 

Pilgrimage

I made a point about the media influencing how we see and our expectations of women, my tutor says that the media has propated a established notion. They have done this subtly whilst appearing to liberate some underrepresented groups. She advised me to look a Baudrillard’s Simulacra and Simulation. 

I talked briefly about religious symbols, that they have another purpose other than for worship and that is their aesthetic value. My tutor agrees and goes on to say that religions are concerned with the right way to represent the divine. This has been the cause of several conflicts for example the Byzantine Iconoclast wars and the Orthodox-Catholic Schism. I knew that the portrayal of the symbols is very important to the religion but I hadn’t heard of these wars, so it will be interesting to read about them. 

I talked about my work showing a postmodern dystopia but my tutor states that I need to explain this better as my images do not show this properly yet. 

I compared the images of Catherine Opie and Angel Adams. My tutor says I need to talk about why his gaze qualifies as male. She advised me to look at other female photographers of his era who used a similar approach. Here is the link to where I look into gazes:  

Gaze

At one point I mention Visual Culture. My tutor picked up on this and believed I meant visual culture theories. She was right, I will change this. 

Formative Feedback

I received my tutor feedback report alongside my essay. This time my tutor gave written feedback as this assignment is diagnostic. 

She states that my clear and often eloquent. She mentions where my proofreading failed and two issues with apostrophes. She says that my text flows well and logically. I show my intention and follow a concise argumentation path. She praised my research and referencing. But I need to explain, elaborate and analyse. This will produce a better argument when making a point. 

She has provided advice in anticipation of the future assignments. Firstly about the use of quotations. Quotations should be seen as words of authority and should be used to support my work. If I use a quote which isn’t exactly on the topic, I will need to explain why I have choosen it. 

When looking at an image, I need to take a similar approach to that of quotations. For future assignments, I should use the images in relation to the point I am making. 

My tutor has provided a list of books to read. They are:

Marina Warner. Alone of All her Sex: The Myth and Cult of the Virgin Mary. 

Jean Baudrillard. Simulacra and Simulation. 

Peter Brown. “The crisis of the image: the Byzantine iconoclast controversy?” In The Rise if Western Christendom: Triumph and Diversity AD200-1000. 

Victor Turner and Edith Turner. Image and Pilgrimage In Christian Culture. 

My tutor believes my research proposal is viable and interesting. I need to address any issues and fine tune my topic further. She has given my seven questions to answer: 

1. What is it that you find interesting about this project? What drives you to undertake this? 
2. Why is it important to examine this topic?
3. What theoretical resources are out there that can help you develop your thinking and approach?
4. What visual work can you utilise to develop this work?
5. Consider a primary bibliography of the most relevant sources. 
6. Draw upon the work you have done for your research dossier and plan and merge with your research proposal. 
7. What are your strengths on this topic? Similarly, what do you anticipate as more difficult, problematic and which is likely to require more of your attention?

My tutor ends by stating my strengths lie in my research, methodological skills and clear writing. But I need to work on my topic being fine tuned and I need to explain, elaborate and analyse. 

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Responding to the Feedback

My first take home point was the grammatical errors in my work, I need to address these. I also need to work on my analysis. Whilst my worked flowed and was presented in a logical way, I need to fine tune my work further. I will take these comments on board for my next assignment.